原來, 一家人一起看電視, 就是世上最幸福的事.

或者是太多事想說, 又或是根本沒有心情去寫, 總之, 還是經過了兩個多月, 我才真真正正的坐下來, 整理一下自己的思緒.

這兩個月, 上天用了嚴厲的方法, 給我上了生命中最寶貴, 亦是我無論以甚麼代價都不想上的一課.

人, 始終是 '犯jin'的動物, 不懂珍惜身邊take for granted 的事物, 直至面對失去的一刻, 才轟然醒覺, 後悔之前的種種不是.

自問都算是個顧家的年輕人, weekend 除了考試的日子, 都會make sure at least 有一天留給家人. 但回想那一天, 我的心依然刀割般的痛.

爸爸雖然算不上是運動型的人, 但生活一直都算得上十分檢點. 事發前一天才和我去了做gym. 不要說是aortic dissection, even 是冠心病我也會很shock. 但這一回上天卻跟這個我心目中幾乎從來都沒有動搖過的top idol 開了一個天大的玩笑.

爸爸從來在我心目中都是一個終極的role model. 在公司中, 他從來都不會罵人, 卻能夠令一班同事give their best + 心悅誠服的完成一個又一個的mission impossible. 還記得後來探病, 每一個來看爸爸的同事都對他讚不絕口(even 在病房外等時都不斷的跟我說), 我真的很想說:dad I am damn PROUD to be your son!!!.

雖然那天趕到QEH前我已經read up 了一些information and data. 不過當cardiothoracic surgeon 跟我們一家人解釋了情況和手術風險後, 我實在受不了, 一直壓著的情緒一下子崩潰了. die on table 30%, major stroke 50% renal failure 30-50%. 對一個MS來說, 這些只是一連串的數子, 那一刻, 那些對我來說卻是一把把插進心膛的利劍.

面對自已的生死, 爸爸卻非常平靜, 他擔心的不是自己, 更沒有denial, 他擔心的是嫲嫲, 媽媽和我. 入手術室前, 爸爸望著我和媽嫣, 說一定要看著我畢業.

伴著爸爸入手術室的, 除了媽媽和我和其他家人的支持, 還有爸爸無比的決心, 最後, 上天放過了他, 亦給了我們一個幾會.

Daddy, 我不會令你失望, 一定會做一個令你驕傲的醫生.

今天晚上, 我們一家人在家中看煙花. 原來, 一家人一起看電視, 就是世上最幸福的事.

無言以對

明報事件，叫人無話可說。

昨天明報論壇報有一篇把由天星事件到中大報事件寸連起來的文章，寫得十分不錯，值得一看。把連寸事件視為兩種values 的 clash, 的確是一個之前沒有细想過的points. 而此theory 亦成功將所有事件link together，值得借鏡。

昨天胡思亂想之際，想到一種觀點。假若是蔡志森之流(對，從來對他都看不過眼)作的投訢，那明報事件可說是back fire. 要解釋此，必須based on 三個assumptions: 1)明報被評二級不知所謂 2) 中大學生和明報都意不在淫 3)分級應based on context, 不是個別句子。 如果這三點你都能接受時，那中大報若為二級, under same standard 下明報亦難逃二級的命運 (當然, 雖然二者有明顯高低手的分別, 不過這不是judgement criteria 吧); 返之, 若明報是一級, 中大報亦應被評一級。

再說皇后碼頭事件，政府偏執己見，令人無話可說。不過保衛人仕的表現也令人失望。我必須提出一點。若中環填海已成事實的話(現實是早以開始)，那即使碼頭被保留下來，也難逃變成涼亭/湖邊亭的命運i.e. 變成dead monument. 變成dead monument 根本就不是保留了什麼集體回憶。我認為，既然皇后碼頭與大會堂是一個整體，不能分開，那能夠保存加活化整個complex, 又能平衡填海的方案，可以參考美利樓的經驗，將整個complex 搬去個既臨海又需要大會堂的新市鎮。

性、大學與社會

是日, 黃雨警告, 什麼也不太想幹. 寫blog 是個消磨時間的好辦法.

既然「性」的話題現在鬧得熱焢焢的, 那我也湊熱鬧一下, 大膽說「性」。

「人之初, 性本善, 性相近, 習相遠」。雖然此性不同彼性，但無可否認的是，是性本身是善的。所以我們只會說「萬惡淫為首」，而不是「萬惡性為首」。性，歸根咎底都不過是define living organism 的七大條件之一。聖經也說是亞當吃了誘惑的蘋果，才害羞於裸露人前。因此視性為social stigma，其背後也是罪的一種。

因此，只要建基於人與人的互相尊重上，在不以淫邪為目的的界限裏，性應當像吃喝一樣，可以無所不談。

如果只 base on 以上的原則，學生報事件根本就沒有問題。這從各方面大都認為學生是眼高手低的comment 中可見，這裏就不重覆討論。其實，有學生願意冒著破壞自己前途的危險，出版一些明顯踩界的materials，社會除了批評，更應誘導。社會不但不應壓制，反而應鼓勵學生stand for what they believe in. 當然，stand for what they believe in 是擇善固執，不是不接受意見。

整件事的問題關鍵其實在於「社會道德底線」。學生報的內容，明顯超越大部份人的底線。但是，這底線是否apply to 大學中的學術討論呢？現在的所謂社會道德底線，又是否合理？如果是次風波可以令社會好好地討論一番, 那學生報就可算是功德無量，把他們原先的目的達到，什麼個人的名聲、前途都犧牲得有意義(至少，我是主觀的希望他們會是這樣想的人)。

事實上，大學的使命正在於不斷的挑戰社會的底線。回望歷史，重大的，令人類文明向前推的發現和主張，往往都是離經叛道的。伽利略提出地球是圓的，結果被燒死; 達爾文提出進化論，成眾矢之的; 蘇格拉底鼓勵發問，挑戰權威，被灌毒酒而死。由此觀之，大學必須擁有進行離經叛道的討論的空間，才能使大學創造新知的功能發揮。而享有此特權的自當包括大學的一切員生，包括學生的出版。

如此說來，大學便會銳離社會? 在一定的程度上是會的。但大學之本，不就是使它的員生能銳離reality 的利益和現實，在人類利益的前提下天馬行空，創造知識? 大學中人說的不一定是對，但大學就是社會中唯一可以什麼都說出來的地方，經過嚴謹的討論和論證，將歪理否定，使真理越辯越明。這樣就是大學的核心價值。

說到這裏，必須指出，我雖然同情學生們所受到的過份的指責，但回望出事的問卷調查，字眼上除了極盡意淫的能事外，無助深入討論性的各種問題。雖未至死罪難饒，但活罪難免。事件爆發以後初期完全不接受意見的死撐更是有違大學討論之精神，使社會的焦點有所落差，不能好好地探討性的問題，表現令我很失望。

本 文的寫作目的，非為支持任何人，而是為了支持數百年來一直推動社會向前的大學學術精神。大學學術精神之不保，是對社會退步的像徵，在批評的風潮中，大學中人必須堅守。

漣漪

望著昔日的照片, 走進時光的隧道與無限的回憶, 心中泛起了一陣又一陣的漣漪, 久久未能平靜下來.

假若人生是一個無邊際的湖, 那人生中的驚濤駭浪雖然觸目驚心, 卻永遠不能如漣漪般叫人感動, 叫人刻骨銘心卻又歷久常新.

走進時光的隧道中, 我看到了那些風流的歲月. 那時的我們, 沒有build up resume 的壓力, 沒有現實的枷鎖, 在SPCC的大溫室中, 更加沒有人際關係問題的煩惱. 當時的我們, 心中充滿著說不完的理想, 看不完的憧憬, 幾近要怎樣就怎樣做, 沒有什麼顧忌, 亦沒有什麼要擔心.

凡事都可以make a difference 的信念, 就是那時建立下來的.

但, 一切已經是過去式, 這是任憑我們怎樣理想亦不能改變的事實. 事過境遷, 但make 了的difference 卻未曾變更. 那些日子所建立的信念, 人格, 友誼, 和 信望愛, 一直沒有和我們分別過, 一直伴著我們走過外間的種種.

正因為這樣, 每當心中的漣漪泛起, 更顯得當天的可貴. 當天的我們, 成就了今天的我們.當天泛起的漣漪, 一直連綿著, 在我們腿邊盪漾, 盪漾.......

Score Library

今日, "的"起心肝執拾了多年來唱Choir同solo/vocal加部份琴譜, 做了一份list. 歡迎各位同好借譜+/- share 譜.
假如大家可以商借小弟incomplete的樂譜, 小弟自當感激流涕, 以身相許(就奇!)

Name of Score	Composer	Version	Status
A Closing Prayer		SATB	Complete
A Mademoiselle Jeanne Leleu- Prelude	Ravel	Piano	Complete
Ain'-a That Good News!		SATB	Complete
Alexander's Ragtime Band		TTBB	Complete
All Glory, Laud and Honor		SA	Complete
All the Praise of a Lifetime		SATB	Incomplete
All Things Bright and Beautiful		Solo	Complete
Amani Utupe (Grant us Peace, Give us Courage		2 parts	Complete
Annie Laurie		TTBB	Complete
Anthem		Solo	Complete
Ave Verum	Elgar	SATB	Complete
Ave Verum Corpus	Mozart	SATB	Complete
Be thou my Vision	Rutter	SATB	Complete
Beau Soir		Solo	Complete
Beauty and the Beast	Menke	Solo	Complete
Bidin' My Time		Solo	Complete
Bless the House/ Goodbye, Our God is Watching over You		Solo	Complete
Bloody Mary (South Pacific)		Solo	Complete
Blow, blow, thou winter wind	Arne	Solo	Complete
Brother Will, Brother John		TTBB	Complete
Cantique De Jean Racine	Faure	TTBB	Complete
Cantique De Jean Racine	Faure	SATB	Complete
Carmina Burana	Carl Orff	Lyrics and translations	Complete
Caro Mio Ben		Solo	Complete
Carol Sing (Medley)		SATB	Complete
Castle on a Cloud		Solo	Complete
Celia the Fair		Solo	Complete
Chim Chim Cher-ee		SATB	Complete
Christmas		Unison	Complete
Close Every Door		Solo	Complete
Colors of the Wind		Solo	Complete
Come again	Dowland	Solo	Complete
Come Back to Sorrento (G Major)		Solo	Complete
Creation Alleluia	Rutter	SATB+Organ	Complete
Danny Boy		3 Parts	Complete
Den Schwestern von Auenbrugger Gewidmet		Solo	Complete
Ding! Dong! Merrily on High		SATB	Complete
Dream of Olwen		SATB	Complete
Echo Song		SATB	Complete
Eyes on Me		Piano	Complete
Falling Rain	Hester	SSA	Complete
Farewell, my own! (HMS Pinafore)		Octet and Chorus	Complete
Father most Merciful (Panis Angelicus)		SATB	Complete
Feller from Fortune		SATB	Complete
Flying Free		SSA+Piano+Flute	Complete
For the Beauty of the Earth	Rutter	SATB	Complete
For Unto Us A Child is Born (From Messiah)	Handel	SATB	Complete
From the Diary of a Fly		Piano	Complete
Glory to God (from Messiah)	Handel	SATB	Complete
God Help the Outcasts		Solo	Complete
Greatest Love of All		SATB	Complete
Hallelujah (From Messiah)		SATB	Complete
Hava Nageela		TTBB	Complete
Hello-Goodbye		SATB	Complete
Huntsmen's Chorus (from Der Freischutz)	Weber	TTBB	Complete
I could have danced all night		Solo	Complete
I love Life		SATB	Complete
I Love you (Ich Liebe Dich)	Beethoven	Solo	Complete
I will Sing with the Spirit	Rutter	SATB	Complete
It was a Lover and his Lass	Morley	Solo	Complete
Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring		SA/TB	Complete
Keep the Home Fires Burning		SATB	Complete
Le Voleur d'Etincelles	Boutry	Piano	Complete
Lift up your Heads, O Ye Gates (from Messiah)	Handel	SATB	Complete
Lilacs		Solo	Complete
Love Changes Everything		Solo	Complete
Memory	Webber	Solo	Complete
Moon River		Solo	Complete
My Way		Solo	Complete
Neighbors' Chorus		SATB	Complete
Never Had a Dream Come True		Solo	Complete
Not to Say Goodbye		SATB	Complete
O Holy Night		SATB	Complete
O How Amiable are thy Dwellings	Rutter	SATB	Complete
O Lord Most Holy		Solo	Complete
Old McDonald had a Farm		SATB	Complete
On the Street where You Live		Solo	Complete
One-Legged Sam		Unison	Complete
Out of my Dreams		Solo	Complete
Rolling Down to Rio		SATB	Complete
School Hymn (SPCC)		SATB	Complete
Serenade		TTBB	Complete
Silent Noon		TTBB	Complete
Some Enchanted Evening (South Pacific)		SSA	Complete
Somebody's Calling My Name		TTBB (A Cappella)	Complete
Somewhere (from West Side Story)		SATB	Complete
Sonatina in G, Op. 79, Third Movt.	Beethoven	Piano	Complete
Spatherbst (Late Autumn	Brahms	SATB	Complete
Spin, Spin My Darling Daughter		SA	Complete
Starlight Express		Solo	Complete
Sunrise, Sunset		Solo	Complete
Sweet Nightingale		Solo	Complete
The Bird Man		2 parts	Complete
The Blue-Tail Fly		TTBB	Complete
The Boatmen's Dance		TTBB	Complete
The First Nowell		SATB	Complete
The Flower that Shattered the Stone		Solo	Complete
The Good-Bye Jazz		SATB	Complete
The Lark (Lerchengesang)		SATB	Complete
The Lord Bless you and Keep you	Rutter	SATB	Complete
The Prayer		Duet	Complete
The Rainbow Connection		Duet	Complete
The Snow	Elgar	SATB	Complete
There is Nothin' Like a Dame		TTBB	Complete
There's a Boat Dat's Leavin' Soon for New York	Gershwin	SATB	Complete
Thine be the Glory	Handel	SATB	Complete
This Land is Your Land		Solo	Complete
This Little Babe		Treble (3 parts)	Complete
To Music	Schubert	Solo	Complete
Traume (dreams)		Solo	Complete
Triumphal Chorus (from Aida)	Verdi	SATB	Complete
Try to Remember		Solo	Incomplete
Under the Greenwood Tree	Arne	Solo	Complete
Under the Old Linden Tree		SS	Complete
We Sail the Ocean Blue (Introduction, HMS Pinafore)		TTBB	Complete
When Daisies Pied	Arne	Solo	Incomplete
When I was a lad (HMS Pinafore		Solo and Chorus	Complete
Where'er You Walk	Handel	Solo	Complete
White Christmas		SATB	Complete
Younger than Springtime		Duet	Complete
Zigeunerleben	Schumann	SATB	Complete
一根竹子容易彎		SATB	Complete
中華人民共和國國國歌		Unison	Complete
天下黃河十八灣		Solo	Complete
水仙花	林聲翕	SATB	Complete
只有和聲		SSA	Complete
生命因您動聽		Solo	Complete
壯志驕陽		Lyrics	Complete
杜鵑花	黃友棣	SATB	Complete
東方之珠		Unison	Complete
迎向春天	林聲翕	SATB	Complete
故鄉		3 parts	Complete
紅日		Lyrics	Complete
草原之夜		Solo	Complete
偶然		Solo	Complete
遊子吟		SATB	Complete
對花		SATB	Complete
旗正飄飄	黃自	TTBB	Complete
輕輕（弄臣）		TTBB	Complete
遙遠的小魚村		SATB	Complete
暮歌		SATB	Complete
曙光再現 (Concerto for SPCC Farewell Concert 2003)	Sunny Pau	SATB+Orchestra	Incomplete
I will Always Remember You		SATB	Complete
Let there be Peace on Earth		SSA	Complete
Swiss Mountain Song		2 Parts	Complete
The Swans		2 Parts	Complete
Thistledown		2 Parts	Complete
阿瓦日古里		2 Parts	Complete
老鼠嫁姑娘		2 Parts	Complete

舊日的足跡

是日, 整理舊日的照片, 想起了很多舊時的事.

如果人生是一本書的話, 不知道我在譜寫著那一章的故事呢?
望著昔日的郂片段, 就像讀著這二十一年人生的回顧. 對! 原來, 不經不覺已經二十一年了, 對中國人來說, 這是真真正正的成年, 真真正正的成為一個男人, 不再是大男孩了.

不 過, 望著昔日的照片, 己也有一點不勝年華的唏噓 (口氣很老....OMG). 舊日雙眼中那道耀眼得叫人睜不開眼的光彩, 真的暗淡了不少. 是歲月的催殘, 還是所謂的成熟? 不過人生在世, 什麼也可缺, 唯獨不可失去目標. 我要加油, 也不要忘記心中的團紅紅的烈火....

I have a Dream -- ABBA

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream

四月的冬天

四月的香港竟然可以有十四度的低溫, 簡直齊離曬大譜.

歸根咎低, 都是人類咎由自取, 沒有什麼值得可憐的. 望見一些自認偉大的國家, 還抱著interest come first 的態度對待這個問題, 我們這些冇權又冇態的平民百姓, 唯有高聲叫句"What's Going on?"

不過, 面對迹境人總不能自怨自艾, 總要迹境求存, therefore, 老土一待啲都要呼籲一下, [救救地球先生!!!]

考試期間, 胡思亂想了很多idea.. 請大家蜜切留意這裡吧!

btw, 請comment 一下new bg

finally... 用了差不多一小時, 總算完成了這entry... Hallelujah.

A Deeper Discussion on Daringness

首先要多謝留comment 的 Joe and Gladys．
上一篇entry提到daring ge 問題，Gladys 係comments 中回應了(c.f. comments to last entry)因此想在這篇entry中再說說我對daring ge 看法．

haha enough Chinese till here.. I am trying to type more Chinese in my entries to keep it interesting but it is definitely too time consuming to complete the whole thing by Chinese here. It would kill me to keep trial-and-erroring around 2-3 times for each character.. In any case it is in my plan to type more chinese.

Back to the title of this passage. I wanna elaborate more on the topic of daringness. In fact I would like to modify the phase a little bit into "rational daringness".

Daringness, according to my definition, is very very different from impulsiveness, in which people tend to act recklessly to attain a certain goal without taking into account of the potential risks and gains. On the other hand daringness is the quality of a person that a human is willing to stick onto something and try to attain a certain contributive goal after detailed and thorough analysis of the situation, the potential risks and gains. The most admirable thing about this certain rational daringness is that it doesn't put personal interest on the top of the list (although with the rule of rationality, personal security is still an priority) but instead, the interest of "the group", including self, is at the top of the list. On the other hand, although the goal of an impulsive person can still be very noble, such intension is not a must to meet the criteria of impulsiveness. I must add in here that "daring" to me is not the same as the "dare" in "Do you dare to .....". It is much much more in context.

Let me further elaborate the concept by giving an example. A person who goes to work as a volunteer in a war zone can be either an impulsive or a daring person. An impulsive person would run here and there trying to save at many people as they can. Yet, he/she doesn't put SWOT analysis as a consideration and just dash here and there, putting him/herself and his/her colleagues into dangers. On the other hand, a daring person, while trying to save as much as possible, would take stretagies so that he/she and his/her colleagues are protected from unnecessary dangers.

Daringness, therefore, is a quality that a valued person needs to attain. Of course, we become less "daring" as we grow. But that is because the amount of risk we can withstand decreases as our daily responsibility increases. We should still retain the quality of daringness so that we can keep the fire on and to attain our goal after clever evaluation of the whole thing.

So, I still keep daring as a necessary quality to live a valued life.

Coming soon:
My view on Cilvilization, global village and culture values--Where we are heading?

Dare to dream.

Haven' t been updating this blog for some while. But I guess readers of this blog would want some quality stuff rather than some random thoughts to fill things up.

So I finally did it. I posted up the link of this blog to my Xanga site. Those who wish to can now visit here without playing that guessing challenge. Whatever. I however doubt how many will actually click in LOL. Do drop a comment if you are first time visitor ;) and welcome.

Lately I have finished my medical rotations and am now under my Orthopaedics and traumatology rotation (i.e. the department that deals with bone and trauma).

Anyway, just read Dede's xanga some minutes ago and it sort of pulled my into some serious thoughts. It was true indeed. Where has the impulsiveness gone?

I recently have watched Kubrick's work of "clockwork orange" which was definitely one of his best known works. In the movie, a certian "method" was invented to "corrent" the criminals so that they feel very sick everytime they think about violence and sex and so on. It was some sort of conditioning really. When the inventor of the method tried to boast about the "effectiveness of such 'cure'", and claim it to be an ultimate solution to the problem of crime, a chaplain shouted "Choice! The boy has not a real choice, has he? Self-interest, the fear of physical pain drove him to that grotesque act of self-abasement. The insincerity was clear to be seen. He ceases to be a wrongdoer. He ceases also to be a creature capable of moral choice."

Beautifully written line, isn't that? Nicely put. sincerely, we are moral beings not becuase we physically exist, but because mentally and intellengently, we LIVE and THINK, and FEEL. We are human beings, not because we eat and excrete, but because our complete existence confers a meaning not only to ourselves but also to human mankind as a whole.

Well, put it short, We live, we think, we feel, we dream. And that moves the world about.

But when has "growth" and "maturation" became obstacles to the realization of the value of our existance? Since when, we tend to be careful with how people see us, with how people say about us, and to "play safe" so that we don't get hurt? Children don't do it, and they are happy. We call them angels. But as adulthood approaches, we deny our own deteriation and call the old way "Naive" and our crappy way "maturation".

Dare. It was one of my favourite word in my post-certificate exam era. (My high school buddies should still remember that...kakaa). It still is. At least, I hope to retain the will to dare inside. Imagine if a young guy loses his will to dare. \so pathetic.

Dare. I dare to dream. I dare to challenge.

Finally I wanna end this post by sharing this song with you-- old fashioned, but is one of my favourite oldies (an all time favourite)

"The Impossible Dream" from MAN OF LA MANCHA (1972) music by Mitch Leigh and lyrics by Joe Darion

To dream the impossible dream To fight the unbeatable foe To bear with unbearable sorrow To run where the brave dare not go To right the unrightable wrong To love pure and chaste from afar To try when your arms are too weary To reach the unreachable star This is my quest To follow that star No matter how hopeless No matter how far To fight for the right Without question or pause To be willing to march into Hell For a heavenly cause And I know if I'll only be true To this glorious quest That my heart will lie peaceful and calm When I'm laid to my rest And the world will be better for this That one man, scorned and covered with scars Still strove with his last ounce of courage To reach the unreachable star

P.S. I am also thinking whether I should start to write something in Chinese. I mean.. what is the fun of writing here without any response or audience.