Blue

I have been practically abandoned this blog for some while.
Have been losing my interest in blogging. Somehow, I always feel that blogging is perhaps the most hypocritical thing you can do: On one hand, you try to sound the real you, stripping off that thick mask which you have worn most of the day. While on the other, doing this openly.
As a result, blogging is perhaps also the most schizophrenic activity one many indulge in.

I don't feel like blogging, even while I am typing this. But I feel the need to vent out somehow.somewhere. Anyway, this is a too-long-abandoned blog that I don't expect many people (if any) would ever discover this post.

This blue have been here, far far far too long. Those who know me long enough would know that I undergo some periodic blues from time to time. Ya, you may call it menses. Well, my menses (joking) is very irregular but it comes and goes once in a while. It usually last a day or two-- actually , usually hardly more than a morning-- and disappear completely.

But this time, it has been here for more than a whole damn months. It is aching somewhere. and I have no clue where it is or where to stop it.

It is just like GI bleed of obscure origin. For non medical people, it means we know somewhere is losing blood in the gut but we have no idea where it is from or why it bleed after the conventional tests. In these cases, there is a number of things you can do. But basically there are two ways. The patient can be stable so we do more sophisticated stuff to look for the bleeding. If the bleeding goes on and the patient is going to shock, there is only one stretegy, go into the operating room, open the tummy and find the bleeding. If the bleeding source still cannot be find, you may just blindly cut out something to stop the bleeding.

The problem I have here is that, I have no more sophisticated test to do on myself to locate the blueness. Nor do I have any idea where I should blindly cut.

The pandora box here is that, sometimes, we see the patient vomiting out blood everywhere so we rush the patient here and there for different sophistocated tests. The source can be right at the back of the mouth.