A deficient End. A Fresh Start.

Haven't been writing here for some while due to various reason. Academics mainly as the forma excuse. The hard fact: Coz I am lazy. and because I am confused.

Confused till now--i.e. the last day of my attachment at Ward 9AB. How much I really get from this medical rotation. A lot. Really a lot. More than I actually thought I would. Too little. I am still extremely far too deficient that I am really shameful to call myself a third year medical student. Ya I mean it. That perhaps explain my episodic blue today. I am far too green, or the preferred word by MOs: EMPTY.

Yes, I know it really takes time. Yet, it is really painful to realize that in 2.5 years time, people are actually going to put their lives in your hands-- and I am not confident at all that by that day I am 50% capable of doing so. So empty.

Enough of blues. Well, the good thing is, after this rotation, I know I am feverishly falling in love in medicine. I mean medicine in general. The confusion between medicine and surgery is still here. Though I am not worried about this. Like Charles said one day, it is so hard to find a job on earth which you have so much satisfaction in spite of the long hours and hard efforts. I know this is the right path I am pursuing on-- no matter how deficient I am.

I still remember the first day we went up to the ward, I was really anticipating a lot from this rotation. Now, I think I got more I could expected. Yet, at the same time I really understand myself all. It is truly a harsh but rewarding rotation that tame a nearly arroggant beast into a modest man.

I wanna thank all the patients for being our teachers. You have been patient with our stupid and clumsy question and have bare our slow and unfamiliar physical examination. Thank you for cutting your sleep and rest short to educate this group of timid youg people-- who although looked bright, are very unsettled inside. Thank you for teaching us in spite of all the discomfort we have caused you. And thank you for those who have told us what they expected from the medical practitioners. What you have taught is is beyond book stuff.

I wanna thank all the doctors are professors who have been teaching us through ward rounds and bedside teaching. Thanks must especially go to Dr. S. Ng, Dr. HN Tse and Dr. YY Chan whom we have been following round with most of the time. Thank you for teaching us although that have caused you extra time in doing the ward round. Thanks must also go to all the tutors who have taught us a lot and have so many expectations on us. We have definitely learnt to become a doctor, rather than a medical nerd, from you as a role model.

I also need to thank Prof. Thomas Chan, who have been a patient teacher, and as far as I know, the most involved coorindator of all medical rotations in PWH. Thank you for not only teaching us medical bookstuff, especially drug stuff, but also for being caring with our lifestyles and attitude towards life. Thank you for your sharing-- although it is unlikely that I can practise what you have taught us, I am truely grateful and touched.

Finally, I gotta thank all the groupmates in M3. I have learnt a lot from our medical/academic talks, and I have had a lot of fun with you. I really look forward to out next medical rotation.

In midst of the current blue-- because of my deficiency, and also because of the forthcoming exams, life must go on. Going to start my first surgical rotation in QEH next Tuesday. And frankly, I am excited (though the comeing assessments are killling me). I have really been "planning" to be a surgeon all these years. In the recent 2 years, internal medicine has become more charming to me because of the rapport extablished between doctors and patients. But of course, I still love the decisiveness and effectiveness of surgery. What is my fate? Perhaps I will have a better idea after my first surgical rotation.

Now, every one has flew.... somehow have some sense of loss.